Ai de tai zhen tai rong yi rang zi ji xi sheng,
Tai rong yi rang zi ji cheng lun,
Tai rong yi bu gu yi qie man shi shang hen,
Wo tai ben ming zhi dao ni zhi cuo de ren,
Ming zhi dao zhe bu shi yuan fen,
Dan shi wo hai fen bu gu shen…
- Elva Hsiao - Cuo De Ren -
This is like, probably the first ever Chinese song that I’ve ever blogged about.
Its lyrics touched me so much, and I can totally relate to it.
Not like I understand all of the lyrics, but I understood the most emotional part of this song - “Wo tai ben ming zhi dao ni zhi cuo de ren”
To translate it literally - I’m so stupid, knowing all along that you were the wrong person.
I probably, like understood only 3 lines from that mandarin song haha. But the thing that matters is that I understood the main part of it.
In which it has made me terribly emotional tonight.
I have been avoiding to listen to this song ever since my break up with him.
I have also been avoiding talking about Cambodia & him anymore cos the hurt is just too much to bear.
I discovered this song in Siem Reap, Cambodia, where my friends were telling me how beautiful this song was. It also means that I liked this song at the very same time when I have realised my feelings for him.
I kept asking myself whether he was the wrong person?
But the feelings were too beautiful back then to have doubts.
It seemed so right, I haven’t felt like that in a very long time.
Just like in this music video, the beginning seemed like a fairytale, where nothing seems to be able to make me come back to reality.
I sacrificed my money for him, making another 2 trips there.
Just because I missed him too much.
It was too unbearable to be away from him.
And for the first time in my life, I thought that finally, there was someone who loves me with all of his heart and soul.
We kept in touch extensively for the first few months, with me making most of the effort and initiatives.
Then, as time goes by, he started by contacting me lesser and lesser.
Then, it was a completely no-contact for 1 month. Or more. I couldn’t remember.
And he was beginning to make more excuses. And more lies.
I finally snapped back into reality.
I then realised that he was not after my heart, but rather everything else.
I ignored him too, but sometimes I would still call him to make sure he was fine.
What a fool I was, to care so much for someone who didn’t even give a shit about me.
We didn’t properly break up then. But I have already given up on him.
Like, 2 months after we last spoke, he finally called.
But I ignored all of his calls and smses.
He even tried calling me when I was in Venice, but I just didn’t feel like talking to him anymore.
Then he stopped calling in June.
Then he called again in July.
This time I picked up and broke up with him.
If he really cared, he would try to call after the break up, but no he didn’t as expected.
Because I was nothing to him, and will never be.
He has caused just too much hurt to me.
Whenever I hear this song, it brings me back to those sweet memories with him.
I have moved on, but the memories are just….indescribable.
I still haven’t forgotten about him, I still have the memories of him
I would tear each time I think of us, what we used to have, how we were happier back then.
Tell me how to erase the memories of him, and the memories of us?